I honestly cannot believe today is Hudson's first birthday. In a lot of ways this year has flown by. It doesn't feel like the images above were taken a year ago. It seems like I was just sitting there holding my baby in complete and total awe of him. Here I am today following a little toddler around the house (no, he's not quite walking yet...), listening to him try to say his first words, watching him soak in everything around him...being a kid is just so awesome. Everything is new! And I am reminded of this every single day.
I have to admit, the first few months with a new baby are still kinda blurry...let's face it...they're hard. Really hard. Harder than you can imagine. Harder than anyone tells you they will be. Harder than you can really understand until you actually go through it. And yet, it's the happiest time in your life and you're supposed to be enjoying every single minute of it. Well...I'm here to tell you- it's not what you see in the movies.
Having a baby is wonderful in soooooo many ways, but it truly changes every single aspect of your life and suddenly you realize that it's not really your life anymore. It's theirs. And it's quite shocking in a lot of ways. Especially since you make this discovery after only 4 hours of sleep and you haven't showered in two days and you're wearing the same clothes you had on 3 days ago.....if you're a parent you know exactly what I'm talking about.
If I'm being honest here, in summing up the first year, I have to say that staying at home with Hudson has by far been the most challenging and the most exhausting job I've ever had. I wish more people were more honest about it. Everyone wants to tell you what an amazingly wonderful experience it is to have a child (and it is, don't get me wrong...) and people don't really want to say how hard it is. How you'll be challenged. How you'll never really sleep again, and you won't sleep in for years and years and years to come. How your bedtime even on a Friday night is 9:30 because you just can't make it any longer after taking care of your child all day. How your entire life revolves around naps and bedtimes and bottles and breakfast, and lunch and dinner. How you might get out of the house once a day for an hour without running into any of these obstacles, but don't count on it.
Parenting is challenging, that's for sure, and I have a whole new respect for stay-at-home moms around the world. We have the best job and yet the most difficult, the most challenging and yet the most rewarding. I am so incredibly grateful to be able to give so much of myself to my little boy. To see so many "firsts," to watch him change, grow and discover right before my eyes. The time I've had with him this year has been nothing short of amazing. I'm the happiest I've ever been in my life. Truthfully. He gives me such tremendous joy. When he laughs I laugh, and trust me...he makes me laugh a lot. He's the most adorable thing I've ever seen - especially when he's sleeping... and it's just so wonderful watching him discover the world around him. There is no where on earth I'd rather be than home with him.
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