The Good with the Bad (the very, very bad)

Well, this week has proved to be more than challenging...two days in a row with a toddler who doesn't nap (at all, as in zip, zero, zilch, no nap) and a 6 week old who needs constant care...I'm pulling my hair out, to say the least. Hudson is bored to tears, to the point where he's really started acting out and testing limits. He's been through a lot of changes with the addition of the baby and staying home all day instead of going to school, and he's just going a bit crazy. He's got more energy than I ever remember having and he's just not getting what he needs being home with me and Madeline all day. I feel guilty, but at the same time incredibly frustrated. There's not much I can do about it. It's summer. In Texas. It's hot and miserable. And we have a new baby. I'm limited.

Realizing we can not continue this way, I was frantically searching for and signing up Hudson for every single class I could find, I kid you not. He's booked Tues, Thurs, and Fri mornings (which leaves me Mon and Wed to go completely insane).

Don't get me wrong, I love my child, but good grief, we're going through a rough patch. Yesterday I was ready to surrender, to just surrender to parenthood and just call it quits, thinking to myself, I can't do it and I certainly can't do it the right way, so I just quit. I quit, I quit, I quit.

Oh, but, wait. I can't do that...I'm here for the duration, the long haul, the good and the bad, take it as it comes, rough patches and all to the bitter end.

This week has been yet another humbling moment when I think back to my days before marriage and kids and I'd see these couples with young kids who just looked absolutely miserable and I often wondered, well, why the heck did you have kids, anyways? Geez...no one made you do it.

And... you really actually think that your kids will be different. Your kids won't behave that way, and even if they do, you won't look that miserable. Ha! What a wake up call I've had. Anyone who sees me in my current state would absolutely 100% without a doubt believe I was MISERABLE, and even so, I'd do it all over again. Parenting is tough. It just is. No matter how you look at it, no matter who you are, parenting is tough. 

I'm not afraid to admit that there are some days I really am miserable and I'm watching the clock like crazy waiting for Scott to walk through the door and give me 5 seconds to catch my breath. Every parent goes through this, I think. Especially those of us who choose to stay home with their kids (and wonder if we're absolutely crazy to do so). The truth of it is, as hard as it is right now I know it could always be harder. I know there are people dealing with way more than I am. I also know it won't be this way forever, and I know that even when I'm pulling my hair out, there really is no other place I'd rather be than with my children. In the present moment I'm taking it one day (excrutiatingly long as they are) at a time. I just hope to survive.

Meanwhile, here is our little rascal enjoying some time outside in this lovely 400 degree plus humidity weather (complete with an abundance of mosquitos) we're having....

And, with all the craziness going on, there are moments that are absolutely wonderful. Today, I smiled at Madeline, she looked right at me, and smiled back. Her very first real smile. It melted my heart, because frankly, there is just nothing better in life. This makes it all worth it.