Cy Twombly, Leda and the Swan, 1962, Oil, pencil and crayon on canvas

Hudson Akins, Untitled, 2012, crayon on paper

Cy Twombly is one of my favorite American painters. I absolutely love his work. Unless you've studied 20th Century art history, you probably haven't heard of him. If you have heard of him, you might wonder what's so great about him. Not everyone appreciates his work, in fact he was often slammed by art critics, but he eventually became and remains one of the top American painters of the 20th century. I'm reminded of him often when Hudson and I spend some time at the art easel, in this comparison you can see why. And by the looks of it, I'd say the Hud's got some real potential.

The Witching Hour

 

What's the best way to pass time during the dreaded "witching hour?"

Watch the Olympics with daddy, of course!

 

many months

I am 2 months old today!

I am 31 months and 3 weeks today!

If I ever thought I had little time for anything before, boy was I was wrong... you may have noticed, no blog posts from me in nearly a week...well, that's because there literally has not been a single free second this week. Hudson and Madeline have been keeping me very, very busy. I feel like I'm doing some sort of juggling act every second of the day and I've never been good at juggling. I feel like if I would have applied and interviewed for this job (the job of stay at home mom) I wouldn't have been offered the position. I feel so ill equipped, I don't believe I have the experience or the proper skills which are required to do this job, but I'm trying really hard and although I'm hard on myself, I'm cutting myself a little slack and working to remember, it's all worth it. We have two amazingly wonderful kids who brighten our world every day. I can't imagine life without them, I honestly can not.

The following are some new and exciting things going on in our world:

Hudson is suddenly afraid of the dark. What does that mean? It means some nights he doesn't fall asleep until 10pm even though he's in bed between 7:30-8 every night...it means he wakes up at 5am every morning (like clockwork) and if we're really, really lucky he sneaks up the stairs at 2am and into our bed. Good times for all.

Madeline has reached 7 1/2 weeks, which is SO hard to believe, time is flying by and I'm already missing the newborn phase...perhaps there will be a 3rd in our future, (yes, indeed I have lost my mind) anyways, with the 7 1/2 week mark comes a fussy baby between the hours of 4-ish in the afternoon until 9pm, 10pm or even midnight. So if your wondering how sleep is going in his house, it's not. At all. For anyone. Even the dogs have bags under their eyes. What I wouldn't give for one night of uninterrupted sleep. Perhaps in five years. One can dream.

I haven't taken many pics of Hudson this week, but I'll post what I have even though they aren't great. I'm with Madeline a lot, and I have ample opportunities to take her picture, so I'll share some of them with you as well. I'll spare all of you any pictures of Scott and me since we're pretty sure we're not looking our best these days. Again, maybe in 5 years.

We're very serious about our playdough.

Look at this face, I can promise you, this little lady gets a lot of kisses.

As promised, we have ourselves a chubby baby.

Madeline's eyes are still very deep, dark blue.

We play with playdough every day, here we made ice cream sundaes.

She smiles a lot these days. It melts my heart every time. She is precious.

Sunday morning snuggle

The Good with the Bad (the very, very bad)

Well, this week has proved to be more than challenging...two days in a row with a toddler who doesn't nap (at all, as in zip, zero, zilch, no nap) and a 6 week old who needs constant care...I'm pulling my hair out, to say the least. Hudson is bored to tears, to the point where he's really started acting out and testing limits. He's been through a lot of changes with the addition of the baby and staying home all day instead of going to school, and he's just going a bit crazy. He's got more energy than I ever remember having and he's just not getting what he needs being home with me and Madeline all day. I feel guilty, but at the same time incredibly frustrated. There's not much I can do about it. It's summer. In Texas. It's hot and miserable. And we have a new baby. I'm limited.

Realizing we can not continue this way, I was frantically searching for and signing up Hudson for every single class I could find, I kid you not. He's booked Tues, Thurs, and Fri mornings (which leaves me Mon and Wed to go completely insane).

Don't get me wrong, I love my child, but good grief, we're going through a rough patch. Yesterday I was ready to surrender, to just surrender to parenthood and just call it quits, thinking to myself, I can't do it and I certainly can't do it the right way, so I just quit. I quit, I quit, I quit.

Oh, but, wait. I can't do that...I'm here for the duration, the long haul, the good and the bad, take it as it comes, rough patches and all to the bitter end.

This week has been yet another humbling moment when I think back to my days before marriage and kids and I'd see these couples with young kids who just looked absolutely miserable and I often wondered, well, why the heck did you have kids, anyways? Geez...no one made you do it.

And... you really actually think that your kids will be different. Your kids won't behave that way, and even if they do, you won't look that miserable. Ha! What a wake up call I've had. Anyone who sees me in my current state would absolutely 100% without a doubt believe I was MISERABLE, and even so, I'd do it all over again. Parenting is tough. It just is. No matter how you look at it, no matter who you are, parenting is tough. 

I'm not afraid to admit that there are some days I really am miserable and I'm watching the clock like crazy waiting for Scott to walk through the door and give me 5 seconds to catch my breath. Every parent goes through this, I think. Especially those of us who choose to stay home with their kids (and wonder if we're absolutely crazy to do so). The truth of it is, as hard as it is right now I know it could always be harder. I know there are people dealing with way more than I am. I also know it won't be this way forever, and I know that even when I'm pulling my hair out, there really is no other place I'd rather be than with my children. In the present moment I'm taking it one day (excrutiatingly long as they are) at a time. I just hope to survive.

Meanwhile, here is our little rascal enjoying some time outside in this lovely 400 degree plus humidity weather (complete with an abundance of mosquitos) we're having....

And, with all the craziness going on, there are moments that are absolutely wonderful. Today, I smiled at Madeline, she looked right at me, and smiled back. Her very first real smile. It melted my heart, because frankly, there is just nothing better in life. This makes it all worth it.

 

I meant to post this yesterday, but I never got around to it. Yesterday Madeline had her 6 week birthday (Hudson is 31 months, in case you're keeping track), where has the time gone? It's moving way too fast and they are both growing and changing so much every day. It's hard to imagine our lives without them, and though the days are challenging at the moment, life is pretty great.

I can't get enough of you, baby

"...and this is the color, green, baby...watch me color!"

Weekend

Scott and Hudson got out a bit this weekend, but Madeline and I stayed in. This is becoming the new norm at the Akins residence. Mommy is going a bit stir crazy, but knows its only temporary. We are all doing well, despite the never ending heat. Here are some pics from this weekend.

Soccer Class

HUD started an indoor soccer class this morning, it seemed like the perfect class for him and he was excited to go! He even wanted to wear his soccer shirt to class. Somehow we managed to get out of the house with Madeline in tow by 8:30 this morning and headed to class. Car rides are still not Madeline's favorite, so that was fun (sarcasm)... And just in case I didn't know it already, the entire car ride Hudson is saying, "mommy, the baby's not happy. The baby's crying. Stop crying, baby! Mommy, get her out!"....Once we arrived I moby-ed Madeline up and in we went.  

Side note: I am not a fan of the moby. I have hopes that eventually I will be, everyone I know loved their moby, but right now it's just a headache and I resist the strong urge I have to throw it in the trash. I admit, it could be a user error due to my lack of sleep, hours and hours of not eating, and just general grumpiness due to being alone with 2 kids under age 3 all day...

Moving on...

Once in the class, Hudson reverted back to his old, super-shy ways and refused to leave my side or participate at all. This child has been bouncing off the walls (literally) at home, so this was disappointing. My hope was that he'd burn off some energy and come home exhausted. Well, there's always next week. Toward the end of class he was opening up a bit and was actually beginning to have fun-  right when it was time to leave. Of course. Madeline was an absolute angel and slept through the entire thing, she seems so easy to me now that I have a 2 year old. All in all, I was seriously relieved to have actually survived this little excursion. It is frightening, at least right now, to leave the house with the two of them all by myself, but it's getting easier (not to be confused with easy, because it's anything but easy), and I know it will continue to get easier the more I do it. It will, won't it??

Madeline, 5 weeks, 2 days old

Hudson, all dressed up for soccer class

Playdough Moustache

Happy Fourth!!

 

Scott took Hudson to a Fourth of July parade this morning, they had  a lot of fun. With the heat, we didn't think this was something Madeline could attend, so we had to sit this one out. Instead we stayed home and I took some pictures of our pretty girl in a her festive Fourth of July dress (special thanks to aunt Alicia and cousin Scarlett for the darling dress)! A quiet evening is in store for us and though it feels a bit like we're missing out on all the fun, we know it's gonna be a LONG time before we have a quiet Fourth again. Hope all of you have a fun, safe holiday!!

 

 

 

 

 

Madeline had her 1 month check up this morning, her stats are as follows:

Weight- 10 lbs, 3oz., in the 90th%
Height- 22.5 inches, in the 95th%
So, that's 2 lbs. and 2 inches in 2 weeks!

Here are some things we know about Maddie already:

Prefers to be held ALL the time, even for nighttime sleeping. Hello, "bed sharing". Desperate times call for desperate measures. A girl has to sleep.

Likes to eat. A lot. A lot. A lot. Hence the 2 lb. weight gain in 2 wks. Chubby baby coming soon.

Despises car seat and riding in the car and therefore will cry the entire time. Is absolutely not a fan of the pacifier and looks highly insulted when you offer it to her. Therefore, there is nothing you can do in the car but listen to her cry. It's awful. I hope this changes soon. Gray hairs are sprouting up all over my head! HELP.

Is absolutely precious and beautiful and watching her sleep is peaceful and wonderful and she's already growing too fast! Wish I could slow things down a bit, the newborn stage just doesn't last long enough!

Hudson is staying busy at home, he's really into Playdough, loves his train track, and is drawing up a storm lately. Oh, this makes his mommy one happy lady.

The days are tough when I'm all alone, and I try to tell myself that it won't be like this for long, so even when I'm trying to nurse Madeline while simultaneously cut fruit w/one hand, all while trying to get Hudson to put his underpants back on after he uses the potty (this is a struggle every time he uses the potty) I try to take a deep breath and remind myself, some day I'm gonna miss this...

Weekends are pretty wonderful when the four of us are together as a family. I have to say, one thing I've learned over the years, and especially now that I have children, is that family is everything. It's the most important thing in life, and knowing that Scott and I have created our own little family...well, there is just nothing better. We have so much to be thankful for and so much to look forward to. Life is good.

He insisted on rainboots, it wasn't raining and we were inside all afternoon...

Sunday morning, breakfast at Breadwinner's

candid shot

when Daddy takes a pic, we barely make the cut

so we took our own pic instead