Even if you aren't as big of a fan of sleep as I am (case in point: Scott, who requires 5 hours a day and functions just fine), okay, fine...but, you're body NEEDS sleep. So, why, someone please explain to me- in a way which makes perfect sense- why babies (and toddlers for that matter) don't sleep!! Why babies are born not knowing how to sleep, needing to be "taught" to sleep or "sleep trained". It's a simple principle, if you're tired- go to sleep. Well, someone had the brilliant plan to send babies out into the world not knowing how to sleep and not staying asleep once they actually do fall asleep. Genius. GREAT idea. If you hadn't picked up on it by now, almost 11 weeks of no sleep is starting to make me crabby...
It's our second time around, so I thought I'd be much more tolerant this time, much more laid back, able to handle it. I wasn't planning to read any books, I was just going to do what came natural, hence the "bed sharing" and the "feeding on demand" (aka: attachment parenting) approach which I've embraced with Madeline. Having read so many books with Hudson and feeling like a complete failure when he didn't do what the books said he would, I just decided I wasn't going to read a thing. Feeling like I already knew what to expect since I'd been through it before, I felt really good about this decision.
But what happens when what you're doing "naturally" isn't working for YOU? Ok, wonderful, it works just fine for Madeline, she's as happy as can be, she really is. See below.
So, there is something to this attachment parenting style after all. Honestly, I love it, too, but (yes, there is a BUT), it's a difficult style to stick to when you also have a 2 1/2 year old at home who you're trying to convince for the 247th time that pooping in the potty is NOT a scary thing. Yes, 247th is not an exaggeration, we've been potty training since September. Boys...
So, the attachment parenting style is wonderful, it really is. I love snuggling with my little girl at night and she sleeps great. The night before last she slept from 9:30PM- 5:30AM without waking. AWESOME! The best night yet. So, I feel really good about our night sleep, and then I came across this image on facebook a few days ago.
GREAT.
So, now each time I get into bed with my baby, this image pops into my head.
Super.
On top of that, I obviously can't nap all day with my baby, so we're working on crib sleeping during the day. It is not going well. At all. We nurse, rock, bounce, sing, and nurse and rock and bounce and sing again and again....and 45 minutes later we put her in the crib where she will only sleep on her tummy and she sleeps for a total of about 30 minutes. 40 if you're really lucky. Then at night, from around 5pm- 9pm, she won't sleep at all, not at all...during all of this, little phrases run through my head, phrases I remember from the books I read when I was pregnant with Hudson, phrases like:
"back is best", Madeline only sleeps on her tummy...
"back to sleep", again, a tummy sleeper, here...
"...anything less than an hour is not restful sleep and your baby will become overtired and it will be impossible, literally impossible to get them to sleep the rest of the day..." Great, so where is the paragraph that says what you're supposed to do when your baby doesn't sleep an hour and won't sleep an hour???
"do not, under any circumstances let your baby stay awake more than 2 hours at this age...." Again, where is the part that instructs you what to do when your baby refuses to sleep for 4 hours straight??
This totally and completely stresses me out, it really does. I swore I wasn't going to stress this time around, I was going to take it easy and just go with it. I wish I could, I really do, but one thing I've learned in my 38 years of life, I am who I am and I can not change it. I just don't do well with stressful situations and trying desperately to make your infant sleep, is stressful. It's very stressful for me.
And on top of all that, our toddler isn't sleeping well. I've written about his inability to nap many, many times on this blog, but now night time sleep is a big problem. He's afraid of the dark and he doesn't want to be alone. It's an hour or more every night of..."I need to use the potty, I want some milk, I want to sing more songs, I want some water, I want mom, I want dad, I want...um, um, um, um...." and while one of us is trying to reassure Hudson that he's safe and he has everything he needs and all he needs to do is please, please, please go to sleep, the other is out in the living room bouncing the heck out of our infant trying their darndest to get her to go to sleep. It's good times in the evening around here. You should see Scott and I when the sun goes down. It's rough. And when they finally, finally go to sleep, we're both so exhausted we just collapse, and it seems like just as you close your eyes on another day, it's morning time already, and Hudson is at the bottom of the stairs yelling, "daddy, daddy, come down, daddy, come down! I want some juice." And, so it begins, another day...
Despite Hudson's non-sleeping ways and our current potty training challenges, I do love that little boy more than I can put into words. I had no idea that once Madeline arrived I would miss our one-on-one time together so, so much...but, I do. I really, really do...I'm so glad we had our two and half years, though. They are very, very special to me.
So, to conclude my rant about lack of sleep, sleep challenges and sleep issues...I figure I can rest assured that in about 5 years or so we should have a handle on this sleep thing and maybe even be able to sleep soundly through the night again, in our own bed, all to ourselves. At least until the next crisis arises and our sleep is once again nonexistent....
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